just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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