It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
