By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
