i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
