brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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