i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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