Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
two words...techno handjob
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
