Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead