After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high