Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.