i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.