Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.