If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
