im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Boobs are out for the taking
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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