My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
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Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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