it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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