i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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