ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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