I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You're a waste of cheezeits
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
