the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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