Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
