Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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