I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My life is pants optional.
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