you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
