I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
