They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
