I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
