her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
