I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
