More tranny stories later!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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