I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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