you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
