It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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