Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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