I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
