My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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