Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
