plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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