she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
