So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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