apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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