It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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