You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
