TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
