I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
