does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
