what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
