Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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