He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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