I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
