I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
