thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
