the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
