I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
