It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
