I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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