Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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