mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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