my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
