the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
