just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
