theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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