Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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