I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
