My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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