the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
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She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
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I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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