What a fucking waste of an outfit
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
