My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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