well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Help. Why am I so naked?
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