so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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