i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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