make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
