That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
