Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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