Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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