what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
