I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
