At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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