I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
