I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
