We're like a lot better than the average bears
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
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When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
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My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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