normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
