I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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