just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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