"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
